...How would you know im hurting if you cannot see my pain...

...How would you know im hurting if you cannot see my pain...

AnneMariie

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"SLOW DOWN!"

[Sep. 4th, 2004|09:18 pm]

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Current Mood

calm

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Today me and my mom and my sis went to walmart...i got to drive...i drove to walmart...didn't do that good..my mom mkes me nervous...

*SLOW DOWN*
*STOP*
*WATCH WHAT YOUR DOING*
*GO*

She makes me nervous..and so does my sister

"your acctually going to let her drive?"

When we were on our way back..she started getting crazi in the car..so i got made..stopped talking and responding to her..was going kinda fast...went for the laft turn...

*SLOW DOWN*
i tapped the brake....then it made that screeching tire sound...she grabbed to top of the car..(you know the handle thing) then made a face...

i can see you out of the corner of my eye...DUH!

i so did that purposly..and it worked...she didn't tell me to do anything all the way home..didn't say a word to me..just what i wanted..

guess what
I WIN!

the whole rest of the way home..i kept thinking about her face when we were going for that sharp left...i wanted to start laughing so bad!!

i drive so much better when im mad...

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Its been a very long while...and some very long weeks!	[Sep. 3rd, 2004\|07:26 pm]
well well well....im here..and i guess i should start writing in this again...i have kinda been stuck on myspace...but yeah..anyways... Im a big kid now..i got to college!!! im at Citrus! im enrolled in only music classes...i went out for Citrus singers..and after a week of auditioning...i didn't make it..but i made it in..the girls choir...the concert choir..and musical theater...and im also in applied music which gives me one half hour with my own private voice teacher! I know almost all of the citrus singers..they are all very nice to me because i was stuck in auditions with them for a whole week. we always hang out...and have lunch together! im really glad my friend alexis goes there with me..he's always letting me kick it with him..he introduced me to all his friends..so i would be a little loser there lol! i had an audition with musical theater class...had to sing a brodway song..went really well..everyone said to me afterwards.."and why didn't you make it in citrus singers!" that really made me feel good about myself. I had an interveiw and got a job wokring at the fair...temperary of course..but i only need some fast cash..lol :} for now at least! im going to be a hostess at this resuraunt called Avalon! should be good. went with my musical theater class last night to the Candlelight Pavillion in Claremont..to see South Pacific....wasn't a very good show..kinda boring...wouldn't really recomend it... well thats it...i guess....
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(no subject)	[Jul. 5th, 2004\|03:42 pm]
Last night was fourth of July...WOW...big freaken deal. the day before was my devyns party he turned four years old! he's getting so big... On the third they had this big thing at Puente park..they do it everyyear.. with the fire works and everything..its pretty cool. Me and my friends go everyyear for like the past few years...last year i had my boyfriend with me..(well h ewas my bf at the time)I HAte HiM! anyways..and this yeah me and my friends were going and i was supposed to meet up with my "friend" aaron..but we both were there..but out of the millions of people who were there of course we couldn't find eachther... but yeah maybe it was better that way...but i kinda wanted to see him. But i was there with my friends... yesterday acctual fourth of july...spent it at home with the family..until about 9:30 then went over to sias..did some more fireworks..and blew shit up..it was fun..it was me sia cammie, brandi blanca anthony sias parents and yeah..it was fun i had fun im glad i went. I got home about midnight..it was cool My first day of college starts tomorrow! aaahhh! I don't even know where my class is...im not even sure if im going to get in or not! the class was full so i have to go talk to the instructor to see if im going to get in or not! everything is so complicated! AAHHHH!!!
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I don't know whats going on...

[Jun. 29th, 2004|03:20 pm]

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Current Mood

confused

]

Some one should really just lock me up..and throw the key in the pacific ocean..and then a fish should just go and swollow it...the a whale should go and swollow the fish!

i went to a party last saturday...my ex was there.. i really didn't want to see him..but then again i kinda did...

He sat next to me we started fighting as usual because thats what we do best!

he kept telling me that he was sorrry for everything he put me thrw and that he knew i was for him because of the way we were all through highschool..and he started kissing my neak..MY NEAK! and he was telling me you know you can't resist me..and started kissing my ears...and then started KISSING ME!! and i went along with it of course...because i fell right into that one..then i pushed him off and said NO! you can't just come in here and do that and think its done..and fine with me..he said okay okay..

so then..he stopped and said look...your so beautiful..and i didn't reaslize what i had until i lost you..you know how that is..he said that im the type of chick he can see himself with..and that he could take home to his parents..and they would be happy. he said that i could be his chick and that he could tell me anything..and that he could talk to me like i was his bestfriend if we were together again..and then he was just looking at me..straight into my eyes..and he said..i can see into your soul..and i know you still want to be with me..i know you don't want to end things with me jsut like that...

i said i know..then he started kissing me again..and of course i fell into it all over agin..and yeah...but that time i didn't stop it until after a while..then by the time all our arguing was over and done with thhe party was over..so we walked out side hand in hand..and he said he wanted an answer..so i told i had to think about it and to call me in THREE DAYS! and he kissed me and left..i turned a started walking away...and he came back..and pulled me and said i love you babe....and kisseds me...i said yeah whatever!! and walked away...

so today is the THIRD DAY! and he called me!

i got to my phone it said one missed ca,lla nd one voice mail..i check it..it was him...so...

I CALLED HIM BACK!!! and well yeah...of course there was no answer!

WHAT THE HELL DO I DO NOW!?!??!!??

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(no subject)

[Jun. 17th, 2004|06:05 pm]

**You kiss me**

I tell you to kiss me again...but mean it this time

You say I do mean it..

**Kisses me**

With all my heart...

**Kisses me**

And my soul..

**Kisses me**

Now tell me How can i not be in love with with someone who tells me that..

No matter how many times you break my heart...

No matter how many times i hurt because of you...

No matter how many tears i shed...

I will always love you.....

FOREVER AND FOR ALWAYS

Because out good times out last our bad...

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Why..Why...please...tell me why...

[Jun. 16th, 2004|01:06 pm]

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Current Mood

WHY ME!

]

It always happens to me...it never fails...first my bestfriend..he get his chick pregnant....they arn't even together anymore..

he's inlove with me
but can not be with me
understandable...his "Bitch" as i all her..hates me..and forbids me to see the baby..
The baby loves me though everytime i see her she smiles and laughs...shes one now..two in october i love her so much..and him.

theres always him...i love him too...and he loves me just as much

as he said to me.. "how can i not love someone as wonderful as you"

Now another friend...you do the same thing to me...WHY ME!!(as i always say)
you say yu have to tell me something and my reaction will show how much i like..or did at one time like you....

Im so scared

You got her pregnant..this doesn't shock me...i already new..i heard rumors...but didn't want to believe it...i knew i still loved you..

I hate it when you hurt me..

"Im not suppsoed to have feeling for you...so why after you tell me this am i hurting so bad..it hurts to hear this..."

You say:
"If yu would have told me you were pregnant.i would be hurting as much as you are right now"

i don't want to lose you..i wish i could whisper into your ear and tell you i love you without you hearing me....but i can't..

You tell me you love me as much as i love you..so why this..

Everyone hurts me..especially everyone i love..
you now no my true feelings...you no i have had feeling for you for the last four years...you thought they were gone...SO DID I!

Why do i feel this way...

Why did you have to go and get her pregnant...two months have already passed..IS THE BABY EVEN YOURS! you seem to believe so..

and of course just like the first situation...your soon to be "babies momma" hate me...always hate towords me never love..never friendship..never anything...all the females in my "guys" lives hate me..

i can't blamn them..their guys all love me and want to be with me..

You came to my house last night so we can "talk" things out

we sit in your truck and talk...(yeah right)

Its 9:30...i dind't get back into my house until 2:30..

YOu kissed me..why did you do that...we kiss into the night and into the earlie morning.

I love you

why did you have to do that...why did i let you...i kiss you back...we kiss...our tender lips touch....i missed your sweet taste...i missed kissing you....

i love you

yu start kissing my neak...and my ears...it feels so good..and a litle bit wrong...i don't stop you..

we sit it your truck...nothing goes farther than a kiss on the mouth ears and neak...i love you so much...

we sit there your arms wrapped around me it feels so right..im so comfortable with you...its now 2:30 in the morning...i think i shoud go inside...you kiss me good bye...and leave..

I love you..i wish i could just whisper into your ear how much i love you...without you hearing..but i can't so i keep my mouth shut..

"how can i not love someone as wonderful as you"

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Tomorrows another day

[Jun. 11th, 2004|07:52 pm]

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Current Mood

eeehhhh

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Im sitting here thinking of you and about what we have together..

There isn't really anything there anymore...i love you yes...but what do we REALLY have?

nothing...we have ntohing...i don't see you...you don't see me...

I know you love me...

but do you really? do you really love ME? i don't think so..

I miss the way it was...why can't it be that way again..

You have grown up so much...but i can't take it anymore...

when im with you..i fall in love all over again...

then we part...and i don't know what i want..and i know you feel the same..

BUT...

Tomorrows another day..and what can we do but sit and wait for tomorrow to come..

maybe tomorrow it will be different...i doubt it..but i have hope and faith in the love we both think we have...

tomorrows another day...

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Its about time...

[Jun. 11th, 2004|07:36 pm]

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Current Mood

energetic

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Well....i am officially out of highschool. Yesterday was my highschool graduation...it was pretty exciting...considering the fact that i didn't want to go at all....im really glad i went...

There were only 220 seniors in my class....ohw ell..big deal...there were over 5000 people in the audience..SCARY!! and all the superintendants from the district..the pricipal...the HoT teacher MR. MILLER! The other hot teacher MR. RIGBY! yeah baby...lol...and every other teacher in the entierty of my high school...

The chick spoke...then they called out my name...it was such a rush...no...not to get my diploma...to sing the GRADUATION SOLO!!! i was so afraid i wouldn't remember my words..or that nothing would just ome out of my mouth...but...they called my name...and my friend ozzy(sitting nextt to me) to my hand and said "you can do it..i love you..you can do it" that gave me all the reasurance i needed....i got up...took the mic...and sang my little heart out...i must admit it felt very good...that was my best signing experience ever..i think..every clapped...i went and sat back down the people around me said i was excellent..i felt so proud of myself...

I am so proud of myself...made through highschool...such a great feeling..now on to college...

Im going to go to Citrus... my audition/interview for the citrus singers in on the 21st of this month...im really excited about that one...im kinda nervous too...but i can do it...just do my best and i'll get through it...and whatever is meant to happen will happen..

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